I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed