Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?