Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass

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  (513): I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass http://tfl.nu/na0v
  Replies (16) Good night (2252) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

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  (209): I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store. (859): Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks. http://tfl.nu/01yd
  Replies (24) Good night (850) Bad night (3208)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"

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  (602): and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time" http://tfl.nu/r7we
  Replies (39) Good night (8291) Bad night (2968) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight

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  (707): I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight http://tfl.nu/5bl0
  Replies (11) Good night (4091) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party

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  (337): The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party http://tfl.nu/w848
  Replies (17) Good night (4829) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

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  (814): I wasted some perfectly good semen on her http://tfl.nu/b11w
  Replies (17) Good night (902) Bad night (4958) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.

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  (920): I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign. http://tfl.nu/97x1
  Replies (12) Good night (453) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.

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  (778): She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up. http://tfl.nu/0zw1
  Replies (4) Good night (1066) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

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  (337): The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe. http://tfl.nu/7igq
  Replies (11) Good night (2819) Bad night (520)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (17) Good night (2112) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc

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  (314): I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc http://tfl.nu/aic3
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (917)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?

  (1+61): View more from

  Mobile recharge?

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  (+61): What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls? (1+61): Mobile recharge? http://tfl.nu/wf5a
  Replies (2) Good night (818) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.

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  (618): I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic. http://tfl.nu/2s9s
  Replies (4) Good night (502) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding

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  (267): only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding http://tfl.nu/47vz
  Replies (3) Good night (689) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator

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  (978): woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator http://tfl.nu/ric1
  Replies (9) Good night (601) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt

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