I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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