I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
