Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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