great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
tell your sister to shave her snatch
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
