Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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