No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
