I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
