true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.