someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight