Umm I'm too high to move.
So drunk its hurt
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting