things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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