arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
