We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
