sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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