Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
