Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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