this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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