I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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