Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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