my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
