You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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