Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
