the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
