Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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