Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize