I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
