hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
