I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
