I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
