So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
