:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
