She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
