he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize