Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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