My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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