There was a lot of him and a little penis
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
