Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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