I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
