even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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