$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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