I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
