I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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