butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
