I just threw up on my dentist
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
