Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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