What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
