You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
