he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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