you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Send help, water and tortillas.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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