I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
