apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
