Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
