I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
