Swine flu. Run for my life!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
