i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
