if only i could text you this smell
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
