Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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