somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
